Kate
I’m 31 years old and I’m from the West of Ireland. I’m the youngest of three girls. My two older sisters are married and have three children each. I grew up in a typical Irish Catholic family. We went to Mass every Sunday, but I didn’t have a deep, personal relationship with Jesus until I was a teenager.
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Through my two sisters, I joined the Legion of Mary, which is a Marian service group at my parish and Youth 2000, which is a Eucharistic-centered retreat for young people. My relationship with Jesus and Mary began to deepen. Truly knowing that Our Lady was my Mother and that I could go to her for everything and knowing that Jesus would always be there for me and that He would never turn away or abandon me was a real gift.
But when I was a teenager, I started getting wrapped up in all the world had to offer. I put God and my faith in a box and opened and closed that box when I wanted. The relationship between God and my life was on my terms. I wanted to get married, have four children, two cats, a dog and a house in the country. I went to college to study History and Music; I was practicing my faith but also going out and doing what I wanted. After college, I felt like I needed a break from all the studying so I worked for the Pro-Life Campaign for two years. Again, I fell into living a double life I was trying to practice my faith but it was more on a surface level. I wanted to be good and to do good and give my life to Jesus, but I got caught up in the world. I was back to square one-feeling empty, worthless and unfulfilled.
In 2016, I had an opportunity to go to Marian Shrine for the Youth Festival. One day we climbed up Cross Mountain, while praying the Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary. On the third mystery, the Descent of the Holy Spirit, it felt like time stood still. I heard the Lord say in a clear voice in my heart, “I want you to be a Franciscan Sister of the Renewal.” To say I was shocked was an understatement! The descent down and the rest of the trip was a blur. I said “No, not yet!” I had only heard of the Sisters through Youth 2000. I knew they were American but didn’t know anything about their life or their ministry. I had so many fears and doubts. My biggest fear was leaving my family. My two sisters were getting married. I feared that my future nieces and nephews wouldn’t know who I was. I couldn’t leave them. If I joined an American order, I feared I would lose my family and friends.
I tried to date, but felt an emptiness, like a void that I could not fill. I was yearning for something more. I kept thinking “Is this it?”
One night something stirred within me. I was praying the rosary to fall asleep and I sensed I heard the words “54-day rosary novena.” So, I started that night. Half way through the novena, I got a clear word from the Lord to discern my vocation. So, I did. I filled out the inquiry form on the CFR Sisters’ website and got a call from the vocations directress and I had my first ‘come and see’ on the 21st of August 2020 in their convent in Drogheda, Ireland. The prayer life, the apostolate, the rhythm of life all just made sense. I thought this is what I was made for. I felt such deep peace and joy. I felt right at home. All my fears about leaving my family were gone. Being with the sisters felt like family. I thought “Great, lets enter!” But that wasn’t God’s plan at the time.
Due to Covid restrictions, I had to wait three years to come to New York to take the next step to visit the sisters over here. An opportunity came up in the meantime to do the St Anthony’s Missionary Program with the sisters in Ireland, so I jumped at it. In 2023, I was able to visit the sisters in New York for the first time. I again felt right at home with a deep peace that this was where I belonged. Again, I thought, “Lets enter!’ but again that wasn’t God’s plan for me. After my missionary year in Ireland, I applied and was accepted to the sisters’ St Michaels’s Missionary Program in Atlantic City. During these years of waiting, I had to trust and surrender my ideas and plans for my life. The Lord was preparing me during these formative years to conform my heart and my will to His.
Since entering, I’ve noticed my heart and soul are more still, more at peace; I’m not yearning or searching for something more - I have found the one whom my soul loves.
