The Courage to Hunger
- CFR Sisters
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
It was tantalizing.
Just within the grasp of my grubby, little, 5-year-old fingertips was a cake. A cake meant for me. My mom had worked painstakingly to make it in the shape of a fish for my upcoming birthday party at the local pool. And it was covered in a thick layer of frosting – my favorite. And there came a moment when I could stand the sight no longer. Hands reached up past the countertop and soon there was a little gash of icing missing, about the width and length of a small pointer finger. The search for the culprit didn’t last long!
“[Jesus] was led by the Spirit for forty days in the wilderness…and when they ended, he was
hungry.” (Luke 4:1-2)
It is hard to stay in feelings of hunger, physically and spiritually. And I sometimes can forget that Jesus went before me, that He entered into the hunger and stayed in it so to model how to live in confidence that the Father will provide. It is a source of strength to think of how He went to the desert and took on all my hunger for food, security, love, greatness, everything! He took it on, He stayed in His hunger with the Father, and we know the end of the story – the Father gave resurrection and life without end. This mystery is a well with no end and a particularly precious fountain to turn to in the season of Lent, a season characterized by encounter with hunger.
But I also like to think of those people who, though weak and sinful like me, had the courage to hunger with Him, to hunger like Him. Maybe this is predictable, but St. Mary Magdalene came to my mind as a beautiful icon of this hungering. Evidence of her hunger to give her life to the Good Shepherd is found in the reality that she followed Him after He
encountered her and delivered her from the state of being completely lost in her sin. But I think perhaps her greatest witness was at the tomb. Mary Magdalene saw with her own eyes the gruesome death of Our Lord and yet her hunger to be with Him did not cease.
So we find her at His tomb before dawn. Jesus has given the gift of Himself and has poured out everything she’ll ever need, but Magdalene does not yet understand, has not yet received. And there in the darkness, Magdalene exercises the courage to stay in her hunger,
even when it doesn’t make sense to others or perhaps even to herself. She does not run away, numb her pain, turn her focus anywhere else. She stays. And Jesus comes. Perhaps feeling this is too good to be true, dear, relatable Magdalene gives in a little bit to her hunger – she tries to grasp Jesus for herself. But He says, “Stop holding onto me.” As if to say, “No, please, there’s even more I have to give you! Even greater closeness than you could ever imagine! And for eternity.” And this time, she seems to really understand. Jesus gives her a message to share with the apostles and she runs away from that place in all her hunger and filled with joy.
Oh how hard it is not to provide for myself in my hunger! To wait for the gift to be given goes so directly against that temptation to soothe the ache with my own strength, in my own way. And yet the invitation of Lent is to intentionally enter into my hunger and to stay there with the Lord. As a sister new to the religious life, I have found that a spirit of expectation characterizes the experience of Lent in a CFR convent.
It’s a precious heirloom passed on to us by Mother Lucille, our founding sister, who could barely contain her excitement as she exhorted us year after year to enter into this “season of great grace” with all our heart, mind, and soul. “This is the season for sowing seeds!” she would say. “New life will come if we only try our best to grow in the ways He has shown us!” What a witness of expecting the Father who is only good to do what is exactly His nature – to provide for His beloved children. What is expectation but hungering in hope? And what joy and peace flow when we have the courage to hunger in hope!
You and I both know that it’s not always easy to remain in the ache, but we have also tasted and seen that our Father is faithful and so He will come. I know not when nor how, but I do know the truth when I hear it (and so do you!) and it’s this: A gift hungered for and received is far sweeter than one forcibly taken. Why? Because then not only do I now have what I’ve longed for, but I can also now see and receive the love of the Giver, which is all I’ve ever wanted or needed anyway.
Father, give me the courage to hunger! All that You are is all that I need.
Sr. Magdalene, CFR Novice