“You were a Sister before you were born.” These were the words spoken to me by the
mother of Fr. Glenn Sudano, CFR, just days before she died. In fact, these were the very last words she spoke before going home to our Lord. And what words they were!
I grew up in a Catholic family where I was blessed to receive all my Sacraments. Not
long after I received my Confirmation as a sophomore in high school and went on a
Eucharistic-centered retreat called Rejoice 2000, I began to encounter the personal love of
Our Lord by spending quality time with Him in the Blessed Sacrament. On the way to and
from school, my twin sister and I would often stop at our local church to pray, even if it was
only for a few moments. I can still remember the excitement in my heart as we neared the
Church and opened its big brown wooden doors to kneel beside the Tabernacle. There in the humble dwelling of the “gold box” lay the One who knew me, loved me, and desired me. And with each visit I became ever more impelled to know, love and desire Him in return. You may well say I was falling in love with the God who created me to be His alone as a Sister
before I was born.
This deep relationship of love that was developing between the Lord and me persisted
during my time as a busy high school student, into my years studying nursing at Villanova
University, and afterwards while working as a nurse for 2 years at Vanderbilt Hospital in
Tennessee. At this time I was seriously dating a young man. The more I continued to visit
Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and frequent the Sacraments, the more I could no longer deny what was happening in my heart. I dreamt of one day being espoused to our Lord and giving my whole life to Him and for His beloved people. I wanted nothing more than to respond whole-heartedly to His call, where I found the fullness of peace and joy. I could not find such peace and joy anywhere else, even within my faith-filled and loving dating relationship or in serving the Lord as a nurse, which I utterly loved. My only peace was in saying yes to what I was made for, and this assent brought me tremendous joy.
By the gratuitous gift of God the Father, the love of the Son, and the grace of the Holy
Spirit, I entered our beloved Community of Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal on September
20, 2007. I had visited many other communities, yet none other than ours could offer me the
home I was looking for to grow in my spousal love for the Lord. I knew at last I had arrived
in the bridal chamber with my Divine Bridegroom. The dream of my heart was being
realized, and I could not be any happier.
As I reflect on these many years of being consecrated to the Lord as His spouse, I can
confidently say with Fr. Walter Ciszeck, SJ, whom our founding member, Mother Lucille,
would often quote, “There is nothing like being totally God’s.” Truly, there is nothing like
being totally God’s. Let’s take a moment to ponder this great reality and mystery.
The Lord, the Almighty, the King and Creator of the universe, Who set into motion
the sun and moon, the stars and planets, the beauty of nature and preciousness of human life, called and chose me to be yoked to Him in marriage as one. In fact, you might say this call and this choice of His set everything else into motion, yes, just for me. Me? Yes, for me, His bride. This God, my Divine Bridegroom, is madly in love with me, as He is with you, so
much so that He does not want to share my heart with anyone else. He pronounced His will
for me to belong totally to Him and could not wait for me to discover, receive, and respond to this lavish love of His.
I can remember with the clearest of memories my First Profession Day, September 18,2010, the day I made my vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. After the ceremony, the reception, and the celebration with the Sisters and my family, I arrived back at the Convent of San Damiano. I immediately went to the chapel, intending to simply acknowledge His presence before getting ready to go to bed. I found myself unable to move from the entrance. I could see in my heart the living Lord before me with loving and joy-filled tears in His eyes saying, “I couldn’t wait for this moment for you to be all Mine.” I remained with Him in the deepest joy I have ever known.
This is, indeed, the heart of consecrated life. It isn’t a doing, it’s a being: being all God’s. Everything that is His is mine, and everything that is mine is His. As a wife belongs to her husband, I belong to Christ. I am living a reality here on earth that every soul in Heaven lives. Heaven is comprised of souls in union with God alone. Every soul in Heaven sees himself perfectly in God, and God sees Himself perfectly in every soul. We call this the Beatific Vision, the goal of our journey here below. St. Gregory of Nyssa, quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (2548) states, “The promise of seeing God surpasses all beatitude.
In Scripture, to see is to possess. Whoever sees God has obtained all the goods of which he can conceive.” There in Heaven God will be “all in all” (1 Corinthians 15:28). St.
Augustine further testifies in the Catechism (2550), “God Himself will be virtue’s reward, He
has promised to give Himself as the best and greatest reward that could exist. God will be the goal of our desires; we shall contemplate Him without end, love Him without surfeit, praise Him without weariness. This gift, this state, this act, like eternal life itself will assuredly be common to all.” Thus, a true bride of Christ lives day after day this reality which echoes in
her heart: “What will later be is already now. He is enough, God suffices.”
You may be tempted to think that all Religious Sisters live then in Heavenly bliss. Let me remind you that although we are espoused to Christ, the consummation of our marriage with Him is yet to come. We, like anyone else, are still bounded by the confines of this finite
world. We must struggle against the cravings of the flesh, strive for perfection in our
weakened state, and endure the pains of our sins. In truth, the greatest suffering for a spouse
of Christ is not to love Him and others as He loves us. This is why we must cling to Christ on
the marriage bed of His cross. Our strength lies in the spousal love of Christ crucified. His
sacrificial death on the cross merited for me, a sinner, to be one with Him. At every Mass
then, the true “marriage supper of the Lamb,” (Revelation 19:9) as the sacrifice of Jesus on
the cross is perpetuated, I receive the greatest outpouring of Christ’s spousal love and, indeed, the grace to love in the same way as His spouse. From all Eternity – before I was born – Almighty God speaks to my heart: “You are mine, and as I give myself totally to you, hold back nothing of yourself for yourself but give me, my bride, your entire self, for you and I are one.”
As I, a spouse of Christ, respond to Love in its purest form, a multitude of souls are
conceived and birthed into Heaven. Who wouldn’t marvel at the vocation of a spouse of
Christ? What else can I say but, “Thank you Jesus.” At my Final Vows on June 6, 2016, as
the Bishop placed the ring of my espousal with Christ on my finger he said: “Receive this
ring, for you are betrothed to the eternal King. Keep faith with your Bridegroom so that you may come to the wedding feast of eternal joy.” I pray in earnest desire – may it be so.
Sr. Chiara Rose of the Divine Bridegroom, CFR
