I went off to college and quickly got swept up by false worldly freedom and the college lifestyle. I found myself trying to fit in and craving a sense of belonging and authentic love. I was still miraculously attending Mass, but faith and Jesus were very much reserved only for Sundays. During my junior year of college, I ended a long-term relationship and was left feeling directionless. With graduation coming up, I had no idea what I wanted to do. So, with no perspective direction, no future career and no future husband, I felt like I was failing. I didn’t know what I needed but I definitely needed something. As I was expressing this to a friend, she recommended I try a mission trip. That summer, I went to Peru with FOCUS. On that trip, Jesus broke through in a big way! I experienced what I was so yearning for and yet was searching for in all the wrong, worldly places. What I experienced first-hand was authentic love.  I was so struck by the priests and the religious brothers and sisters caring and supporting each other as a family – desiring the good of the other or simply talking kindly to one another. I learned that God desires to provide for my needs in a personal way and living a life for Christ is one filled with joy.  What a stark contrast to the world of anxiety I had come to know. The draw and attraction to a life totally given to God was once again ignited in my heart.

For the first time, I started to ask the Lord what His will was and gave Him my desires. A year prior I had no sense of direction but now things started coming together naturally. The thought of religious life lingered in the back of my mind but I wasn’t willing to give it serious thought. I was offered a job as an event coordinator with a Catholic non-profit and moved to Kentucky after graduation. There I lived and worked for five years. I had access to daily Mass at work and had a great Catholic community of faithful young adults striving to live a virtuous life. As my prayer life and relationship with the Lord began to grow over the years, the question of my vocation started coming up again. I was still held back by so much fear and had become comfortable with my life and career. I became an expert in avoiding discernment – I took promotions and new opportunities at work, dated, immersed myself in volunteer work, traveled – you name it, I tried it. After four years of this, the restlessness began to grow so strong I could not ignore it. So, I tried the last thing I could think of – maybe I just needed a new job? A total change!

I applied and was offered what would’ve been a dream job – an event coordinator for an organization providing community and housing for those who were formerly homeless. It combined all the things I loved; this must be the answer! But when I went down for the interview in Austin, TX, I had a real, clear moment of grace from God. I knew this would not fix my restlessness. Only discerning religious life would. If I didn’t, I would always wonder. I went back to Kentucky and turned down the job. Then with what little courage I could muster, I asked anew what God’s will was for my life. I decided I’d give Him one year of intentional discernment. I got in contact with a handful of communities and began making visits. While there was a clear attraction to the consecrated life, there was one piece missing. I had a deep desire in my heart to serve Christ in the poor and that is what led me to our CFR Sisters community. When I visited, I was drawn to the simplicity in which we live the Gospel. Having often felt the Gospel as a deeply personal invitation, there was such peace in seeing it lived out. I was also drawn to the life of poverty, the joyful, familial spirit and living among the poor.

Through His grace working over many years, He turned a heart that was so hardened to the idea of religious life into one that was eager to embrace an invitation to enter the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal. A true miracle!